The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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