someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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