I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
