I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He? As in you personified your dick?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
