Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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