I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
