i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
