Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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