we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
