I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
