Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
