I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
