did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
