he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
