kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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