apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
