White coat. Heels.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Houston, we have a squirter
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
