Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
