She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
