Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So many bounce houses so little time
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
