Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize