she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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