my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize