How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
