Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
