Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
