after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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