What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
