I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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