if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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