i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
