drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
