You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
