so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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