no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
