dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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