Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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