Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
