I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize