I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
