it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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