Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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