Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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