I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
