I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize