Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
