I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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