I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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