Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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