ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
