I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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