Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
