I wish my penis had an off switch
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
