they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
