i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
