just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
