Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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