I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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