and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The uberlube is also flammable
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize