i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize