We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
