i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
