he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
