i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
