just tell him i said nine months
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize