we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
