Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize