my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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