and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
And then he peed in my hair
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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