I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
