I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
