I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
