I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
True strength comes from lack of pants
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