I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
