It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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