We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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