My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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